Every significant relationship has times of disagreement and disconnection. Differences are a sign that your relationship is healthy and that both people feel free to bring their authentic selves.
How is differentiation of self related to assertiveness? When a woman asserts herself, she is differentiating her needs, thoughts, feelings, or wants from another person. She is essentially saying, “I’m think something different than you. I have other feelings than you do. I’m not you.” True assertiveness, as I define it, means that this is done in a way that’s not alienating or rude but still clearly makes those differences known.
Kelly asks, “How do I take care of myself and fulfill my own dreams when my family makes things all about them?” She grew up in a family with a narcissistic mother and Kelly felt she needed to take care of and focus on her mother at her own expense. This created guilt for Kelly whenever she invested in her own development. Listen to what I have to say
Whether or not we admit it, everyone has problems in their marriages. Everyone. So many times, it seems that we think we’re the only ones struggling in our relationship with our spouse, and this can cause intense feelings of shame and inadequacy.
A mid-life Mormon Mom, Elizabeth, thought life would turn out a certain way if she did the right things: marry, stay home with her children. Her husband is struggling with a porn problem and now, she facing the possibility of divorce. She asks me for help in knowing how to find herself and prepare for her next steps.
Sometimes friend drama rears its head in adult girlfriend relationships. If you want to ditch the exaggerated responses and cattiness, developing emotional awareness and healthy communication is the key.
I had a delightful chat with the passionate and brilliant Gina Colvin, host of A Thoughtful Faith podcast a few days ago about Mormon women, particularly those from Utah, and the challenge of developing and using our own voices.
Husband and I have been married for 8 years, and we’ve always had a different mindset regarding television and media usage. I grew up with the belief that TV was almost sinful in its idleness and wastefulness, and even had parents that would cancel cable/satellite for stretches of my growing up years. My husband, on the other hand, grew up in a family where television after dinner was how the family spent time together and still his family regularly spends time in front of the television. We just had our second daughter, and our oldest one is 4 years old and watches what I believe to be too much television.
If you are leaving or have left the Church and want to preserve your relationships, remember to respect the agency, emotions, and faith of your believing family members.
A week and a half ago I published a guest post on By Common Consent titled “25 things NOT to say to a loved one leaving the faith (and what to say instead).” The post sparked some great discussion among commenters on the blog and on social media. Some of the critiques or concerns about the article echoed themes similar to the following reader comments:
Everyone gushes about how being a grandma is the best thing ever…and honestly, I was skeptical. But…it IS the best. It’s like parenting, but only the good parts of parenting–the love, the joy, the snuggles. Grandparent is like parenting, but without the work, stress & expectations. It’s only love & joy. My friends at KSL’s Studio 5 invited me to show off baby pictures and gush about Kate, and to share some professional advice and tips I’ve learned in becoming a grandma.