A mid-life Mormon Mom, Elizabeth, thought life would turn out a certain way if she did the right things: marry, stay home with her children. Her husband is struggling with a porn problem and now, she facing the possibility of divorce. She asks me for help in knowing how to find herself and prepare for her next steps.
Sometimes friend drama rears its head in adult girlfriend relationships. If you want to ditch the exaggerated responses and cattiness, developing emotional awareness and healthy communication is the key.
I had a delightful chat with the passionate and brilliant Gina Colvin, host of A Thoughtful Faith podcast a few days ago about Mormon women, particularly those from Utah, and the challenge of developing and using our own voices.
Husband and I have been married for 8 years, and we’ve always had a different mindset regarding television and media usage. I grew up with the belief that TV was almost sinful in its idleness and wastefulness, and even had parents that would cancel cable/satellite for stretches of my growing up years. My husband, on the other hand, grew up in a family where television after dinner was how the family spent time together and still his family regularly spends time in front of the television. We just had our second daughter, and our oldest one is 4 years old and watches what I believe to be too much television.
If you are leaving or have left the Church and want to preserve your relationships, remember to respect the agency, emotions, and faith of your believing family members.
A week and a half ago I published a guest post on By Common Consent titled “25 things NOT to say to a loved one leaving the faith (and what to say instead).” The post sparked some great discussion among commenters on the blog and on social media. Some of the critiques or concerns about the article echoed themes similar to the following reader comments:
Everyone gushes about how being a grandma is the best thing ever…and honestly, I was skeptical. But…it IS the best. It’s like parenting, but only the good parts of parenting–the love, the joy, the snuggles. Grandparent is like parenting, but without the work, stress & expectations. It’s only love & joy. My friends at KSL’s Studio 5 invited me to show off baby pictures and gush about Kate, and to share some professional advice and tips I’ve learned in becoming a grandma.
A Crisis of Perceptions: New Paradigms to Address the Complexities of Modern Mormonism
Presenter: JULIE DE AZEVEDO HANKS, PhD, LCSW, is a seasoned psychotherapist, owner of Wasatch
Family Therapy, and author of The Burnout Cure and The Assertiveness Guide for Women.
ABSTRACT: Mormonism has inherited ways of thinking that are no longer sufficient to understand or address the complexities facing the 21st-century Church. Concepts from cybernetics, systems theory, and
complex thought will be presented as alternative lenses with which to view and wrestle with the Church’s increased historical transparency, gender concerns, racial diversity, LGBTQIA issues, and member disaffection. Read more
Listen to Dr. Julie Hanks’ Sunstone presentation. Early relationship patterns lay the framework for our identity development, social interactions, and assumptions about others. If gender equality is to be achieved within Mormon culture and theology, it must first be modeled in family relationships. Cultural Transformation Theory provides a framework for moving from a domination model that values “masculine” over “feminine” to a partnership model where relationships are based on connection and equality.
By Common Consent published my guest blog today about what not to say to a loved one leaving the Church. I’ve had a handful of requests for PDF printables of the lists in the article…so here you go!
Watch for my advice on saying no in Jan. 2017 Real Simple Magazine cover story “Say Yes to Saying No”! Saying no is necessary but it’s rarely easy. Need help to to say no? Look no further. Get better at saying No in 2017!