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Out Of The Mouth Of Babes: Add these words to your vocabulary

Want to impress others by adding some edgy and impressive new words to your vocabulary? Try these creative words offered by my own kids and my facebook friends’ children…

 

Over the years our family has developed several new words that we have integrated into our everyday use.   My kids are exceptionally good at combining two words into an entirely new word that actually makes sense. Last week I posted some of our family’s favorites words on Facebook and asked for some input from other friends and fans. They did not disappoint…as if I need another reason to love Facebook! Consider adding these words to your vocabulary…

Butcept

(but + except) “I want to do my chores butcept I’m not feeling well”

To-later

(tomorrow + later) “Mom, Can we go the store tolater?”

Bed-night

(bedtime + nighttime) “I want a bed-night snack before I go to sleep”

Ignoying

(ignorant + annoying)  “Stop being so ignoying!”

Here are some gems from my Facebook Friends

(Julie de Azevedo-Hanks & Julie de Azevedo Facebook walls)

Newfit

Michele — My youngest use to call any new outfit that she received a “newfit”. Funny thing was just a few years later JCpenney’s used that word in one of their advertisements. We had a good giggle over that.

Cheese papers

Carrie — My sons call pre-sliced cheese “cheese papers”. We’ve all adopted it and I forget that it isn’t the correct term until I tell someone I have to run to the store to buy cheese papers and they look at me funny.

Verse (as a verb)

Tracey — my boys use “verse” as a verb. “do you want to verse me in tennis?” “I versed him in handball”. Hilarious…and kinda makes sense.

Buttmom

Amy–“but mom” I usually tell them I am not “butt mom”

Hoosey

Bill–My grandson uses the term “Hoosey” as an adjective. “Lightening mcQueen is a Hoosey fast car!”

Posta

Lisa — ‎”Posta” I was posta do my chores.

Yabutt

Laurel — Yabutt (yeah + but)

Whabou

Elizabeth– My 8 yr old grandson always says “whabou” I always respond, “how do you spell that?”. W H A T A B O U T

Imaginating

Elizabeth–Imaginating…And my granddaughter will be sitting quietly and when I ask what she’s doing, she responds, “I’m just imaginating, Grammy.”

Beginst

Mike– beginst (beside+against). made sense to me.

Eyedeekay

Emily –My kids say I.D.K like its an actual word…thank you texting. ( I don’t know) We also have the yabut at our house. Oh and shup (shut up which I do NOT appreciate either!! LOL)

Notatoy

Becky — The remote has been called a “notatoy” for 32 years ( our oldest son thought that was what it was as everytime he picked up my husband would say “that is not a toy”.

Mote

Darcell– my daughter say’s” mote” for the TV remote.

Lundin

Vickie — We started calling a late lunch “lundin” when my kids were little because it was in between lunch time

Lasternight

Rebecca– My 4 year old says “Lasternight we went to Grandpa’s house, remember?” It’s like yesterday… but… laster-night!

Ginormous

April — Ginormous. Gigantic + enormous. They all use that one.

Redifficult

April–  “you are being ridifficult” combination of ridiculous and difficult. only when she is mad at me for not getting her way.

And one of my favorite comments….

Matt –Not any words I could post on facebook:)

If you have any words that aren’t words but kind of make sense, please comment below. Your email will remain private.

 

Pre-baby Counseling Keeps Marriage Strong: KSL TV News

I am all for pre-baby counseling. We don’t really talk about how traumatic the birth of a child can be to the marriage relationship–loss of attention to spouse, sleep deprivation, jealousy, miscommunication, financial and time stresses, additional household duties…I sat down with Scott Haws this morning (bright and early) on KSL TV News to talk about pre-baby counseling for couples and why I think it’s a great idea…

Watch the news clip

Read more on KSL.com

Behind the scenes clip before the show…


Help Your Child Be A Real-Life Hero: Studio 5

Help Your Child Be A Real-Life Hero

In a culture consumed with pop stars and super heroes, it’s hard to spot true heroes. Find out what real heroes are made of and how to help your child be a real life hero. Therapist, Julie Hanks, LCSW explains the difference between role models and heroes.


What do you think of when you hear the word “hero”? For many, the word “hero” has become synonymous with celebrities, inventors, sports figures, musicians, and other individuals with special gifts or powers, excellent performance, or other noteworthy accomplishment.

Social psychologist Phil Zimbardo, PhD, claims that as a society we’ve “dumbed down heroism”. Not every good, kind, generous, smart, talented, famous person is a “hero”. There is a difference between role models and heroes.

Helping children become heroes in their own life story

1) Redefine Hero

What is a hero? Heroes don’t have to have magical powers or be involved in monumental feats. Zimbardo defines a hero simply as “a person who acts on behalf of others or in defense of integrity or a moral cause” and involves these 4 parts:

  • Voluntarily action
  • In the service of others or moral cause
  • Involves personal risk
  • Without expectation of personal benefit

Last Christmas my 8-year-old son showed heroism in a simple, yet touching way, when he left this letter for Santa on Christmas Eve. While it’s a small gesture, it was the opportunity for me as a parent to celebrate those budding heroic qualities.

“Thanks for bringing presents, but iff you think I don’t need it than give it to people who doesn’t get presents”

2) Watch for Heroes Everywhere

Once you’ve redefined what a hero is, you can take note of every day heroes in your community, in your family, and literature and movies.

Disney’s animated movie “Mulan” is an entertaining movie, with lively characters, and it can also be a springboard for conversation with your children about the 4 parts of heroism. Here are a few questions you might want to ask your children.

What value or moral cause prompted Mulan to go to battle?

Why do you think Mulan volunteered to fight in her father’s place?’

What was Mulan personally risking by making the choice to join the army?

What are some values that are important to you?

Are there any situations where you can act like a hero?

Jason M. Robison posted this on Facebook, “We teach our four children that being a hero is rarely glamorous and very often unpopular. We keep our eyes wide open for examples in the community that we can point out to them.”

3) Encourage Social Awareness and Action

The greater more people who witness an emergency; the less likely anyone is to do something about the situation. This is called the bystander effect. Help your child to understand this tendency and encourage them to act. They have the power to change the group norm by taking action on behalf of someone.

Encourage your child and teen to speak out, and to even challenge authority, in defense of another or one of their core values, even if it’s not popular.

Our children and teens come up against opportunities every day to be heroes. It may be as simple as sitting next to a lonely classmate in the lunch, walking away from a group of friends when they start to gossip, or reporting an act of bullying that they witnessed on the playground.

On Facebook, Vickie Johnson De Blasio says “We teach our kids that a hero does their best to improve the lives of others, without looking for acknowledgement.”

4) Teach and Nurture Heroic Virtues

Talk about your family’s values and the importance of developing character. Cultivate integrity, courage, compassion and social awareness in your family life. Families are losing the oral tradition of storytelling, and technology is taking over conversation and reading times. Provide your child opportunities all have examples of heroic figures with qualities that children can emulate in your family history, in literature and in religious text.

I’ve often heard my neighbor and dear friend Rene tells her three young children, “You can do hard things.” That simple statement can help her children see themselves as standing for something greater than themselves. Another family member frequently asks his son daily, “Who’s life can you bless today?”

Sharing stories of heroic family members can help nurture heroic virtues in your child. In 1856, one of our distant family relatives, Ephriam K. Hanks, volunteered to rescue a group of the Mormon Pioneers who were starving and stranded in a bitter winter storm. When he heard about the plight of the Willie and Martin handcart companies he was ready to risk his own life to help bring them to the Salt Lake Valley.

5) Be a Hero

The best way to inspire and teach your child to cultivate the hero inside of them is to be a hero, to cultivate your own heroic nature. I often hear children and teens in my clinical practice complain about how their parents lecture too much. We can do better at living heroic qualities instead of simply talking about those qualities.

As an adolescent, I remember going with my dad on Sunday’s to visit widows in my church community and neighborhood. We took them food and sat and talked with them. As a young child, I thought it was a boring and a waste of time, but looking back now it was a powerful lesson on the ability to make a difference for someone else.

Get more information on Dr. Zimbardo’s Heroic Imagination Project

Therapy For Kids Who Don’t Need It?: Quoted in Babble.com

Julie Anderson survived a mother’s worst nightmare — the death of a child. She took her 2 young children to therapy to deal with grief around the their youngest brother’s death, but continued to take her children if for therapy “check ins” through the years, even when things were going well.

Now is when they need to go to a therapist. Why? Because looming on the horizon is the terrible triumvirate of middle school, puberty, and high school. And because if you wait until there’s a problem, you might not be able to get your kid to talk to you (or anyone else) about it.”

Julie recently interviewed me to get a therapist’s point of view on taking your kids to therapy BEFORE they need one. Read what I have to say in Julie’s Babble.com article…

“Therapy for Kids Who Don’t Need It


Tuesday Tunes: Celebrating Mothers Playlist

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born.  She never existed before.  The woman existed, but the mother, never.  A mother is something absolutely new.  ~Rajneesh

In honor of Mother’s Day I put together this custom playlist of songs written about my journey of motherhood — joy, pain, growth, wonder, exhaustion, delight, sorrow, empathy, loss,  humility….

Download “Celebrating Mothers” iTunes Playlist here

Here’s the run down of the playlist and a little bit of background on each song…

1-Make Enough of Me

Written at a time when the needs and demands of family and life felt crushing. This song is a prayer born out of my inadequacy and desperate need for  strength beyond my own.

2-Angels

Dedicated to my own mother, Linda, and written after my parents divorce, I hoped to convey my gratitude for her loving care during my childhood, and let her know that all of the little things she did for me and her other 8 children mattered.

3-Healing

Written when my oldest children were still in elementary school as I came to the realization that while I could soothe and calm all of their worries and hurts, the time would soon come where they would need a “healing beyond me”.

4-Open Apology

Before my children became teens I wrote this song of apology for all the mistake I’ve made, and will continue to make. I wanted to apologize before they realized my humanness and to reassure them that I am well aware of my shortcomings as a mother.

5-The Child in Me

When my oldest son was a toddler, it found myself reliving certain emotions and experiences of my own childhood. At the same time, I was in grad school studying about child development, psychology, therapy and realized that the best tool to get in touch with my “inner child” was asleep in my arms.

6-Home

“You are my resting place. You are my saving grace. You are the arms where I belong.” We all want and need a home.

7-One Child

There’s a huge space between our 2nd & 3rd children — 9 years.  We were ready for another baby and the anticipation and celebrating was so wonderful. Then my thoughts turned to another mother — Mary. What kind of anticipation did she have waiting to hold the Son of God?

8-Hope Enough For Two

Part of family life is leaning on each other and loaning our own strength to help our loved ones get through painful times. “I’ve got hope enough for two. Let me offer faith to you. I know there’s a God in the heavens. And I know that he’ll see you through. And He’s got, he’s got hope and faith in you.”

9-Michelle

The sudden death of my friend Tracy’s little sister, Michelle, inspired this song. I wrote it before I had my own children, but coming from a close family of many siblings I tried to imagine the difficult road ahead in dealing with the loss of a young sister.

10-Sometimes He Calms The Storm

It’s the daily parenting experiences teach me more about the nature of God and his relationship with his children –like when a little one is scared at night and needs comfort. I am starting to see that in every small interaction with my children I am the parent AND the child.

Ask Julie: How Do I Tell My Daughter She was Conceived Before Marriage?

Q: What would be the best age/time/scenario to tell our daughter that she was conceived out of marriage? We are a strong religious family and will teach as we were taught, no sexual relations outside of marriage. How can you get your children to learn from your mistakes instead of hold them against you and use them as excuses to experiment in their own lives? What is the best way to tell her and the rest of the children we have had? It’s something I would rather disclose to her when we choose, rather than have it be something they “figure out” or are told by someone else. Not only that, but I worry that she will think we only got married because of her. This is something I would like to put off as long as possible, but don’t want her to feel we lied or kept things from her. Thanks!!

A: The best way to approach this delicate subject is to first come to terms with your own feelings about conceiving a child before marriage. If you carry shame or guilt, that will likely be passed on to your children. It’s important to work toward forgiving yourself for your actions and developing an ease in talking about your past with your children.

Next, I suggest that you allow the conversations with your children to unfold naturally in the course of daily life. For example, if you’re looking at wedding pictures with your oldest child you might say, “Did you know that you were at our wedding? You were growing inside of me when we got married.” Often, parents think that they need to have a big “sit down – we need to talk” conversation with their child and make an official announcement of family “secrets”. This approach can sometimes be more traumatic than the actual content of the conversation because parents often call an official meeting when the child is in trouble, or the parent is anxious about talking about an uncomfortable subject.

Since I’m not sure how old your daughter is, it’s difficult to give specific advice. However, when your daughter and your other children become teens, the obvious moral issues of your past behavior will come into question by them and require more complex conversations. Again, your comfort level in talking about the fact that you and your husband had sex before marriage will lead the way in the conversations. This conversation is an amazing opportunity to open up important discussions with your teen about repentance, choices and consequences, and how life isn’t as black and white as it is seems in childhood. An important part of the message will be admitting to making a choice that went against your values, that their were consequences, and how you have chosen to handle the the consequences in positive ways. If you’d like to write back with your daughter’s specific age, and a few more details on how you’ve handled this issue so far, I’d be happy to continue this discussion.

Take good care of you and yours!

Send me your love & relationship questions here!

Self & relationship expert Julie de Azevedo Hanks, LCSW is wife of 22 years and mother of 4, a licensed psychotherapist, a popular media contributor, and director of Wasatch Family Therapy. Watch Julie on KSL TV’s Studio 5, listen on B98.7 radio, and read her national advice columns on Psych Central, and Latter-day Woman Magazine.

Your Kids AND Your Marriage – Don’t Neglect Your Marriage: SheKnows

Don’t Neglect Your Marriage

Get some practical tips on how to balance taking care of your children AND your marriage. I was recently interview by SheKnows.com for this article on balancing kids and marriage and it just posted online today. Here are a few snippets from the article (It’s always nice when the writer makes me sound smarter and more articulate than I am).

“The role of ‘mother’ is so loaded with expectations that it’s easy to get lost in the relentless day-to-day demands of motherhood and lose the [other] parts of yourself.”

“A warm, loving marriage relationship helps children feel emotionally safe and provides a template of what a marriage is,” says Hanks. “It gives the child the hope that a wonderful adult life awaits them and that they will be able to give and receive love.”

Click the link below to read the entire article.

“Your Kids AND Your Marriage: Both Are Important”


How do you balance caring for your marriage AND kids???

How To Talk To Your Child About Natural Disasters

I had a great chat with Todd and Erin this morning at B98.7 radio about how to help your child cope with the news coverage about the natural disasters in Japan and the general uncertainty in the world today.  Best part of all was that I got to hold their new baby daughter!

(Click on the link below to open the link in Quicktime)

How to talk with your child about natural disasters

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Self & relationship expert Julie de Azevedo Hanks, LCSW is wife of 22 years and mother of 4, a licensed therapist, a popular media contributor, and director of Wasatch Family Therapy. Listen to Julie’s podcast You and Yours , on B98.7 radio as the Bee’s Family Counselor, and read her national advice columns on Psych Central and Latter-day Woman Magazine

How Old Is Too Old For A Pacifier?: Quoted in LA Times

Yesterday, I was asked to comment as a “family and parenting expert” for an LA Times article on Suri Cruise’s (daughter of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes) still sucking on a pacifier in public at nearly 5 years old…

Read the LA Times Article

Join in the conversation on my Facebook page!

What do you think about 4-5 year olds using pacifiers? I’d love to hear your comments below (email address will be kept private).

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Self & relationship expert Julie de Azevedo Hanks, LCSW is wife of 22 years and mother of 4, a licensed psychotherapist, a popular media contributor, and director of Wasatch Family Therapy. Watch Julie on KSL TV’s Studio 5, listen on B98.7 radio, and read her national advice columns on Psych Central, and Latter-day Woman Magazine.