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Is It Ever OK to Lie to Your Partner?

Is honesty always the best policy? In a recent study, 70 percent of us said we value honesty over pretty much everything else in a relationship. I recently sat down with news correspondent Nicea DeGearing of KUTV 4 News to share thoughts on the importance of honesty in intimate relationships.

Left the Church? 25 Things NOT to Say to a Believing Loved One (& what to say instead)

If you are leaving or have left the Church and want to preserve your relationships, remember to respect the agency, emotions, and faith of your believing family members.

A week and a half ago I published a guest post on By Common Consent titled “25 things NOT to say to a loved one leaving the faith (and what to say instead).” The post sparked some great discussion among commenters on the blog and on social media. Some of the critiques or concerns about the article echoed themes similar to the following reader comments:

Love & Gender Equality at Home: Sunstone Symposium Audio

Listen to Dr. Julie Hanks’ Sunstone presentation. Early relationship patterns lay the framework for our identity development, social interactions, and assumptions about others. If gender equality is to be achieved within Mormon culture and theology, it must first be modeled in family relationships. Cultural Transformation Theory provides a framework for moving from a domination model that values “masculine” over “feminine” to a partnership model where relationships are based on connection and equality.

How Do I Manage Postpartum Scary Intrusive Thoughts? KSL Mom Show

A little known symptom of postpartum mood and anxiety disorders are intrusive or scary thoughts – an unwanted, often vivid thought usually centered around harm to yourself or baby, sometimes at your own hand. They can bombard you out of no where and cause a spiral affect of shame and guilt, which can also add to postpartum depression symptoms. Host Lindsay Aerts shares her experience of intrusive thoughts with Dr. Julie Hanks of Wasatch Family Therapy and they discuss how to reduce the distress that scary thoughts can cause. Learn more about The Mom Show.

Listen to part 1 of this interview

Download free chapter of The Assertiveness Guide for Women

Free Printables: What NOT to Say (and what TO say) to a Loved One Leaving the Church

By Common Consent published my guest blog today about what not to say to a loved one leaving the Church. I’ve had a handful of requests for PDF printables of the lists in the article…so here you go!

What NOT to Say to a Loved One Leaving the Church (Printable PDF Download)

What TO SAY to a Loved One Leaving the Church (Printable PDF Download)

25 Things TO say to a loved one leaving the Faith(1)
25 Things Not to say to a loved one leaving the Faith(2)

Download FREE chapter of The Assertiveness Guide for Women

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From Roles to Stewardship: Reframing Mormon Gender Roles

Over the past several months, I’ve noticed that in LDS circles, we often use the term “role” in reference to gender. From official talks over the pulpit, to blog posts, to casual conversations, it seems we’re always hearing about “gender roles”: role of men and women, role of mothers and fathers. The more I’ve noticed its use, the more uneasy I feel when I hear the word “role. ”

Assertive Parenting: How to Stay Strong and Calm

Do you struggle to hold firm boundaries with your kids? These 3 tips for assertive parenting may help. It just posted on my publisher New Harbinger’s  website:

“Assertiveness is a topic that I care deeply about. As a clinical therapist of over twenty years, I love to help women find and use their voice to clearly express themselves in a way that strengthens their connections with others and gets their own needs met. While assertiveness may seem more relevant to adult relationships, it also has great application in how we raise and interact with our children. Here are three ways to practice assertiveness in parenting…”

(Click here or on post title above to read the full article)

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Are You a Guilt Tripper?: Studio 5

When it comes to our relationships, we often spend time trying to figure out problems (how can we get a spouse to listen more, how can we get children to be more obedient, etc.). But what if you are the problem? Might be a bit of an uncomfortable idea, but the truth is that often times it’s easier to spot shortcomings in someone else than it is to see them in ourselves. I encourage you to look in the mirror as we explore the following topic: Are you a guilt tripper? This involves using guilt as a form of emotional manipulation to get someone to think or act a certain way. It’s something that we’ve all done at times.

I’m excited to offer an e-course based on my book “The Burnout Cure” to help women identify and articulate their feelings and needs in order to strengthen their relationships. Get on the invitation list here drjuliehanks.com/ecourses

Need help or advice with a specific decision, relationship, or issue? Schedule a coaching session with me!

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5 Ways to Dial Down the Drama: Studio 5

Are you a Drama Queen?

Most all of us have experienced drama at one time or another. Maybe it’s with a gossipy co-worker, an overbearing family member, or a nosy friend. But how do you know if you yourself are the one being overly dramatic? Self-awareness is key, but the problem is that most people who really struggle with this are entirely oblivious to the fact. Here are some questions to ask yourself to determine whether or not you’re a drama queen (as well as some tips to help you not let drama get the better of you):

1. Do I lash out with others when I’m not included?

In my clinical practice, I’ve often seen this manifest in relationships with in-laws. For example, a woman I worked with was upset when her mother-in-law had a fun outing with others in the family but didn’t include her. If this kind of situation happens to you, how would you handle it? Some might take extreme offense, harbor great resentment, become overly dramatic, and lash out. Others may stay silent and conceal that it was painful to be excluded. But I challenge my readers to assume positive intent and then simply ask for what you want. It’s okay to say something like, “That was probably a fun thing you all did. It hurt me a little to not be invited. I’d love to be included next time around.”

–> Avoid the drama by being direct and assertive and not lashing out or gossiping.
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