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Emotional Self-Care Keynote

I offered the keynote this morning at the PEHP Wellness Council Conference on emotional self-care. What a delightful group! Thank you for your warm welcome, and I hope you’re enjoying the rest of your day. I was made aware that some of you requested copies of my powerpoint slides…so here you go!

Emotional Self-Care Powerpoint Slides 6.10.15 (pdf download)

Also, I mentioned a “Feelings Word List” in my presentation that you can use to identify and name your internal experiences:

Feelings Word List (pdf download

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Five Signs of a Manipulative Relationship: Studio 5

Most of us understand that a relationship in which an individual tries to control or manipulate the other person is not a healthy one. And while no relationship is perfect, some have chronic patterns of manipulation that can be damaging to an individual’s emotional wellbeing and can likewise hurt the connection itself. But how can we spot such a relationship? We tend to think of obvious big indications of manipulation, but others are more subtle. Here are 5 signs to watch out for that may be evidence of a manipulative relationship:
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How to be a Sex-Positive Parent: Studio 5

Even the most confident of parents often feel uncomfortable with the prospect of talking to their children about sex. Most understand that if we fail to talk about it, they will learn about it from media and peers, and that it is our responsibility to do so to ensure that they have accurate information.But still, it’s not an easy conversation to have! And even for those who are brave enough to do so, how can we best help our kids not only know the facts, but also have a healthy attitude toward their bodies and understand sex in a way that will benefit them? Here are 5 ways to be a sex-positive parent:

sex-positive

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Ask Julie: I Feel Like a Failure As A Mom And Fiancee

Q: I am a stay-at-home mom, and lately, I have been feeling like a failure. I feel like I can’t do anything right and that everything I do goes unnoticed. I have a wonderful fiance, who works hard to take care of our family and who loves me very much, but the problem lies with me. I can’t express my feelings to him. I have so much guilt inside of me: I feel guilty when I need money and my fiance gives it to me. I feel guilty if he comes home and the house isn’t spotless, even when the baby was a handful. I feel guilty if I take time for myself or if we go out without the baby. I feel guilty when the little one cries or throws tantrums when my fiance is at home, because I am supposed to be a good mother and a good housekeeper and a good fiancee, but I don’t feel like I am. I am a failure at everything, and I am just so sick of crying everyday. How do I get past this? Please, please help me.

A: Thanks for your email. You sure put a lot of pressure on yourself! But who says you have to be a perfect fiancée, house keeper, or good at finances? It sounds like you want to be more than just good at those things, it sounds like you want to be perfect. I wonder if there’s something deeper going on, or how you learned to be so hard on yourself. Watch the video for the full answer.

Take good care of yourself!

Julie Hanks, LCSW

Passive-Aggressive Conversation Killers: Studio 5

Some people joke that women talk in code (and there’s probably some small truth to that!). But what if women owned up to their mixed messages and instead spoke their truth and said what they meant? That’s the topic behind this round of “What To Say Instead.” While it can be tempting to speak somewhat passive-aggressively, it’s much better to be honest and authentic about our feelings.

The following scenarios are ones in which woman mask their true emotions with trite sayings. But doing so is harmful to relationships because it’s deceptive and can limit intimacy. Read about better things to say to communicate and bridge those connections:

Scenario #1: Jane gets a call from her sister. At the time, she is trying to make dinner for her family, take care of her sick baby, and help her recently unemployed husband comb through job applications. Her sister asks how she is doing. Her response: “I’m fine.”

What To Say Instead - If this is a sister with whom she has a close relationship, it’s okay to open up! She doesn’t necessarily have to divulge all personal details, but saying something as simple as, “I’m having a really hard day, honestly” is telling the truth. There’s a pressure as women to appear as if something is going smoothly, but it’s okay to admit we don’t have it all together.

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Five Ways To Boost Your Confidence: Studio 5

Confidence is one of those characteristics that almost every woman desires for herself. We understand that in many ways, confidence is key to happiness, assertiveness, and success. But how exactly do we acquire it? Here are 5 actionable items to boost your confidence:

1) Be Conscious of Societal Context

Sometimes, we as women believe that struggling with confidence is a weakness we alone experience. But the truth is that many of us feel insecure and inadequate at times. Remember that although women have come a long way in the rights and opportunities available to us, we still need to continue to advocate for our equality. Feeling self-conscious or unconfident is part of the result of a bigger systemic picture. If you struggle with these feelings, know that you are not alone!
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Ask Julie: I’m Madly In Love with My Ex-Therapist!

Q:  I am madly in love with my ex-therapist.  This is not transference; I truly love her! I never had the chance to tell her, and now we no longer talk to one another. This has and is still bothering me. I can’t stop thinking about her, and it is killing me inside everyday! I wanted to tell her back then during sessions, but was afraid to, and now I will never have the opportunity to ever tell her. This is not healthy…what should I do? (28 year old female)

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Lady Diana The Princess With the Heart of Gold: Celebrity Legacies

I’ve loved providing mental health and relationship commentary on the lives of celebrities for Reelz Channel. One of my favorite Celebrity Legacies episodes airs again today: the life of Princess Diana.  I watched her life unfold in real-time during my adolescence and young adulthood. She was my princess. During her marriage to Prince Charles, she became a fashion icon, and among the most photographed people in the world.

The world was shocked to learn of the untimely death of Princess Diana of Wales on August 31, 1997 in Paris. A combination of factors, including a high speed chase from the paparazzi and an inebriated driver, caused the deadly crash that claimed her life, as well as that of her bodyguard and her boyfriend. She was only 36.

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