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Struggling to Be the Parent You Want to Be: Good Things Utah

I recently had the opportunity to join Good Things Utah for a segment, Struggling to Be the Parent You Want to Be. In this segment we discussed unmet childhood needs, how those impact the way we parent, and how to reparent ourselves. In this episode we talk about:

Signs that you have unmet childhood needs:
1) Constant worry and overprotection of your child
2) Resentment toward your child’s need
3) Linking your worth to your child’s behavior
4) Expecting your child to act grown up
5) Rigid boundaries or lack of boundaries with your child

Core Childhood Needs:
1) Secure attachments and sense of safety
2) Autonomy and self-identity
3) Expression of emotions and needs
4) Play and spontaneity
5) Age-appropriate limits and boundaries

How to reparent yourself and meet your own childhood needs:
1) Identify your unmet core childhood need
Look at the list above and see if any areas were lacking in your family when you were growing up.
2) Allow yourself to feel sad about not having the need met
It’s OK, even healthy to grieve what get didn’t get. We all have imperfect parents who likely did the best they could. This isn’t about blaming them, it’s about taking responsibility for our own healing.
3) Do something now that meets your need
For example, reassure your child self that you will protect her, do something you enjoy, ask for comfort from a trusted relationship, prioritize self-expression, do something you enjoyed as a child.
4) Practice self-compassion in the process
Treat yourself kindly and with patience as you work to meet your own needs and your child’s needs.

You can learn more about reparenting yourself in my new online course, Reparenting Yourself: Grieving and Healing Unmet Childhood Needs.

This course is very impactful for any person who feels they have pain from their childhood. If you have any desire to look into your own current behavior and how that is correlated to unmet childhood needs, this quick and insightful course will help give you the tools to reparent and love your inner child.

Protecting Your Family’s Mental Health During COVID-19 Crisis

With all of the focus on physical health during the Corona Virus Pandemic, it’s easy to forget about our mental health. While we are focused on protecting our physical health by staying home, social distancing, and refraining from many of our usual activities, our mental health may suffer.  The change in routine, social isolation, a sense of uncertainty, and increased stress may leave us feeling heightened anxiety, a sense of hopelessness or doom, agitated, frustrated, or a variety of other difficult emotions.

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Improving Family Communication: Family Rules (BYUtv)

Do you sometimes find that your family members don’t get along? Do feelings get hurt and arguments break out? I recently sat down with my old friend Brooke Walker to discuss some strategies to improve family communication on BYUtv’s show “Family Rules.”

Are Your Thoughts Sabotaging Your Relationship?: Good Things Utah

Have you ever tried to mind read someone or were convinced you understood their feelings without even asking them? If you do this in your primary relationship, your thoughts may be sabotaging things! Here is a quick strategy to make sure your thoughts aren’t hurting your relationship.

Self-Care Helps Your Relationships: Good Things Utah

So often in relationships, we are aware of the other person’s needs and work to fulfill them. While this is a wonderful trait, it can lead to burnout if we chronically neglect ourselves. Here are some self-care tips that actually help strengthen our relationships with others:

How To Cope As A Solo Parent: Studio 5

We often hear of the challenges that single parents have, but another group sometimes get overlooked: solo parents are those who are not divorced or widowed but carry a very large portion of the family load because their spouse is often away. Whether it’s due to military service, religious commitments, or irregular work hours, many parents (women in particular) find themselves shouldering the bulk of the home and family responsibilities. Here are some strategies to cope as a solo parent: 

How to Achieve Emotional Intelligence in Marriage: Good Things Utah

Emotional Intelligence (EI) is the ability to recognize emotion and to use it to improve your life and your relationships. It is truly one of the most important skills you can develop as a human being, and yet it’s not something we seem to talk about very often. Here are some ways to work to achieve Emotional Intelligence in your marriage. 

The Three Communication Styles: Good Things Utah

One of the biggest problems in marriage is poor communication. There’s so much emotional history and baggage, and both people have thoughts, feelings, and need that can cloud the situation, so it’s easy to miss each other. It’s important to understand three distinct communication styles and how they can hinder or help our ability to connect with each other.

4 Ways To Manage Smartphones & Family Relationships: Good Things Utah

Smartphones are here to stay, and they can be a wonderful way to stay in touch with friends, work in our careers, and keep up on what’s going on in the world. However, in some ways they are becoming a huge problem for so many families. Kids and adults are so connected to our phones that we often become disconnected from each other! Here are some tips to manage tech overload and scale back: