Well-meaning moms, trying to do too much, may be at risk for anxiety and depression. Therapist, Julie Hanks, says intense, overly involved parenting can backfire. She has tips to help moms lighten up and live happy.
It’s estimated that 70-90 percent of parents spank their children, according to Dr. George Holden of Southern Methodist University; in spite of the mounting volume of compelling research that shows physical punishment in all forms is not an effective solution for behavior problems. Spanking and other physical punishment has many unintended negative effects, including poor mental health.
When I briefly heard coverage of the Colorado shooting this morning my heart sank. Not long after I initially heard about the tragic shooting, I received a call from KSL host and news anchor Brooke Walker morning asking if I could be at the Studio to share a few suggestions for parents on how to talk with children about the senseless tragedy. Honored, I hurried down to the station to help in any way I could.
A sense of helplessness often accompanies senseless violence and loss. It helps to do something – anything – during a time of loss and tragedy and this was one small thing I could do. I could offer a few suggestions to help Utah families deal with feelings that arise in the aftermath of such a horrific event.
Information continues to come in this morning after the overnight shooting, at a movie theatre in Aurora, Colorado. It’s a senseless tragedy where the details are tough to take. Knowing this situation will dominate our televisions over the coming days, how can you help your kids make sense of it all?
Cooperation and communication between divorced parents are crucial to a child’s well-being. It’s often difficult for ex-spouses to transition from intimate partners to “business partners”. You are both in the business of successfully raising your child or children together.
1) Nurture your child’s relationship with other parent
You don’t need to be friends with your ex-spouse, but you do need to be a friend to your child’s relationship with them. Regardless of your feelings toward your ex-spouse, it is in your child’s best interest to support and nurture their relationship with your co-parent. Your feelings or opinions toward your ex are none of your child’s business. The only exception to this is if you believe your child is in danger of being neglected, abused, or harmed.
Lots of us follow people we like and admire online; a favorite DIY blog or a former high school classmate on Facebook. But when does “blog stalking” cross the line? Therapist, Julie Hanks, LCSW has five signs to watch for.
1) You post more often on their page than on your own
2) You think about them when you’re doing other things (or you answer
question for them on their blog/page)
3) You talk about them in conversations as if you’re close friends
4) People can tell who you follow online when they meet you
5) Your real-life responsibilities and relationships are neglected
What are your favorites blogs to follow? Have you ever been guilty of blog-stalking?
Has someone accused you of being too sensitive or suggested that you grow a thicker skin? Or maybe you’ve heard that you’re hard to read or that you’re a tough nut to crack?Those comments may be clues to your style of processing emotions. how much of your environment you let into your being and how aware you are of your feelings.
The boundary concept was developed and researched by Ernest Hartmann, MD, of Tufts University, and this concept was expanded further in the book Your Emotional Type by Michael A. Jawer and Marc S. Micozzi. Jawer and Micozzi’s research further explore “thick and thin” emotional types, suggesting that our minds and our bodies are connected, and that our emotional type impacts our predisposition to certain health conditions. “Different people process their feelings in different ways–your emotional style is a fundamental aspect of who you are. It affects more than just your outlook on life; it can affect your very well-being,” according to Jawer and Micozzi.
Are YOU thick or thin skinned?
I have met with so many women in my therapy office who have shut down their emotions because they think it’s the right thing to do. Anger seems particularly difficult for women of faith to understand, manage, and express in healthy ways.
I’m honored to be a new presenter on Deseret Book’s Time Out For Women 2012 Tour “Seek The Good” talking on the topic of developing your most authentic self. Part of the message is the importance of honoring and feeling our emotions. Feelings are a gift to guide our lives. They aren’t “good” or “bad”. Feelings are INFORMATION to guide us to our most authentic self.
Here’s a video clip from a recent TOFW presentation about the importance of honoring our emotions…even anger.
I hope to see YOU at one of the TOFW cities this year!
Have you been taught to shut down “negative” feelings?
What have the consequences been for you? For your emotional and physical health?
How do you manage painful emotions in healthy ways?
You may be surprised to learn that “moderation in all things” applies to moods, too. June Gruber, a professor of psychology at Yale University compares happiness to food. We need it, but too much of it can cause problems. While happiness is associated with a stronger immune response, longer life, and ability to endure painful experiences, it also has a dark side.
Happier people tend to:
1) Engage in riskier behavior
Dr. June Gruber’s research suggests that too much happiness can lead to higher levels of risk-taking behavior, excess alcohol and drug use, binge eating. Negative emotions, like fear, have a protective value warning of dangers.
2) Drop out of school earlier & earn less money
People with the highest life satisfaction at young ages are reported to drop out of school earlier and later in life have lower income levels earning about $3500 less than those who reported less life satisfaction in early ages according to research by Dr. Edward Diener.
3) Make snap judgments that reflect stereotyping
Dr. Galen Bodenhausen’s research in 1994 simulated a student court – half the students were told to think about mundane activities from the previous day and the other half were put in a positive mood. The ones in a positive mood easily convicted Juan who beat up John while the others were divided.
4) Be more easily deceived
People want a happy jury of happy people are easier to deceive, can’t detect lies as easy and can’t tell a thief from an honest person as suggested by Dr. Joe Forgas’ research.
5) Be more selfish
Dr. Joe Forgas’ research found that when asked to divide raffle tickets, happier people keep more for themselves while sad people tend to divide tickets evenly.
Instead of focusing on trying to be happy:
1) Focus on developing high quality relationships
2) Engaging in meaningful activities that bring joy
3) Accept that negative emotions have their place
Dr. Barbara Fredrickson discovered that at a ratio of at least 3 to 1 positive to negative emotions is where people flourish and thrive in life and relationships.
(Read the Washing Post Article here)