Navigate / search

Struggling to Be the Parent You Want to Be: Good Things Utah

I recently had the opportunity to join Good Things Utah for a segment, Struggling to Be the Parent You Want to Be. In this segment we discussed unmet childhood needs, how those impact the way we parent, and how to reparent ourselves. In this episode we talk about:

Signs that you have unmet childhood needs:
1) Constant worry and overprotection of your child
2) Resentment toward your child’s need
3) Linking your worth to your child’s behavior
4) Expecting your child to act grown up
5) Rigid boundaries or lack of boundaries with your child

Core Childhood Needs:
1) Secure attachments and sense of safety
2) Autonomy and self-identity
3) Expression of emotions and needs
4) Play and spontaneity
5) Age-appropriate limits and boundaries

How to reparent yourself and meet your own childhood needs:
1) Identify your unmet core childhood need
Look at the list above and see if any areas were lacking in your family when you were growing up.
2) Allow yourself to feel sad about not having the need met
It’s OK, even healthy to grieve what get didn’t get. We all have imperfect parents who likely did the best they could. This isn’t about blaming them, it’s about taking responsibility for our own healing.
3) Do something now that meets your need
For example, reassure your child self that you will protect her, do something you enjoy, ask for comfort from a trusted relationship, prioritize self-expression, do something you enjoyed as a child.
4) Practice self-compassion in the process
Treat yourself kindly and with patience as you work to meet your own needs and your child’s needs.

You can learn more about reparenting yourself in my new online course, Reparenting Yourself: Grieving and Healing Unmet Childhood Needs.

This course is very impactful for any person who feels they have pain from their childhood. If you have any desire to look into your own current behavior and how that is correlated to unmet childhood needs, this quick and insightful course will help give you the tools to reparent and love your inner child.

When Your Holidays Aren’t Merry: Mom Show on KSL Radio

The pressure to be cheerful and happy during the holidays can be particularly hard for people dealing with grief and loss: the death of a loved one, your first Christmas since being divorced, job loss, or just the passage of time. Lindsay Aerts, host of The Mom Show on KSL Radio, and I sat down to talk about how to manage painful feelings during a time when you’re “supposed” to be merry.

Case Studies for Parenting Young Adults: Marriott Alumni Magazine

Do you have an adult child and sometimes struggle to know how to have proper boundaries in your relationship? You’re not alone! When our kids are little, it’s appropriate for us to tell them to brush their teeth and eat their vegetables, but when they grow up and have their own identities, it’s easy to get confused about how much input we should give into their lives. For example, should we be giving them advice on their jobs, their finances, and their dating lives? Of course we shouldn’t be helicopter parents to a man or woman in their 30s, but what if they’re really struggling and need some direction?

I shared my thoughts on this topic in a new Marriott Alumni magazine article written by Holly Munson. Here’s a summary of common scenarios parents face with adult children and my take on how to best handle them:

Read more

Partnership Trumps Domination: What’s really at stake in this US Presidential Election

After watching yesterday’s “Trump Tape” and hearing Donald brag about sexual assault, I can no longer stay silent. Trump epitomizes the dominator model of leadership. Trump is not an outsider. He is the embodiment of hierarchical ranking and abuse of power through fear force and violence (particularly against women and minorities) that is at the heart of all of our current social problems and global crises.

Another Reason to Hate this Sexist Seattle Real Estate Ad

Real Estate Ad Insulting Working Moms

This is a more subtle offensive message in this sexist ad that no one is talking about

By now, you’ve likely read about the outrage caused by a Seattle Realty firms mailer ad that insults working mothers and the belittles the quality of their work. The mailer says, “Part-Time Agent,” with the photo of a woman juggling children in a scene of chaos vs. “Full-time Professionals,” with a photo of two men in suits in a pristine office.

There are so many things that are offensive about this ad — it’s difficult to know where to start. Here are just a few reasons that to hate this ad: it’s totally sexist, it slams the quality of working mother’s performance, it is the epitome of  male privilege, it’s fear-based…

If you think the front of this ad is offensive, the back of the ad (shown below) further insults the quality of mother’s work. It lists the advantages of hiring the men’s services instead of hiring a part-time working mother because the a part-time female will only be available at “their convenience not yours.”  Ugh! It occurred to me that there is another more subtle yet problematic message conveyed in this disgraceful ad that no one is talking about.

Read more

Study of People Who Post Selfies Confirms What You Think: WSJ Marketwatch Interview

“Never before in our history have we been able to talk to millions of people with a single picture,” says Julie Hanks, owner and executive director of Wasatch Family Therapy in Salt Lake City. “In the past, we sought attention from people in our circle. Now we can seek approval from strangers and there’s more opportunity for narcissists to seek attention and validation.” But, she adds, this works both ways. “People who are empathetic in real life will be more likely to show more online too.”

Read the full article here