I recently interviewed with reported Paul Nelson from KSL Newsradio to share thoughts on a new Clark University study about emerging adults. The study suggests today’s young adults don’t feel grown up yet and that their parents are more involved in their lives than they’d like. Click the link above to read the KSL story.
Feeling stressed? I recently interviewed for an article with Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S., Associate Editor of PsychCentral, about how I manage my own stress and how I help my psychotherapy clients manage their stress. The key is emotional awareness and knowing what to do with that awareness. Hopefully, you’ll find some good tips here…(click the title above to read the entire article)
When I briefly heard coverage of the Colorado shooting this morning my heart sank. Not long after I initially heard about the tragic shooting, I received a call from KSL host and news anchor Brooke Walker morning asking if I could be at the Studio to share a few suggestions for parents on how to talk with children about the senseless tragedy. Honored, I hurried down to the station to help in any way I could.
A sense of helplessness often accompanies senseless violence and loss. It helps to do something – anything – during a time of loss and tragedy and this was one small thing I could do. I could offer a few suggestions to help Utah families deal with feelings that arise in the aftermath of such a horrific event.
I recently chatted with Nicole Carpenter, founder of MomEntity.com, about ways moms can scale back the number of family activities and prioritize what’s really important. Click the blog title above to read the entire article on KSL.com‘s Motherhood Matters. Here are a few of my helpful tips and quotes from the article.
“When moms are frazzled and over-scheduled, the first thing to be neglected is personal self-care — sleep, healthy eating, exercise or meditation/prayer. Moms who neglect their personal needs for a long period of time lead to exhaustion, irritability and impatience with family members.”
“Saying ‘no’ is also important to mother’s mental health. Research published in the Journal of child and Family Studies last month suggests that mothers with an intense parenting style have poorer mental health than mothers with a more laid-back parenting approach. One characteristic of intense parenting is the belief that good moms are always providing stimulation for their children, and I think that belief leads many moms to take on more and more commitments and activities.”
I recently surveyed more than 600 Utah women and found that 60 percent say they take on more commitments than they can handle, and 68 percent reported they don’t say “no” when asked to do something they don’t want to do. There are so many demands on your time and energy that saying “no” is crucial to your emotional well-being.
Why is it hard to say “no”?
In my therapy office and in my workshops I often hear women they don’t say “no” because:
“I don’t want to disappoint others.”
“I should be able to do it all.”
“I want to help.”
“If I say ‘no’ I feel guilty.”
“I want to please others.”
“I feel pressured by others.”
“No” is an important boundary -It shows that you are a separate person with your own thoughts, feelings and desires. Saying “no” acknowledges that you are different from others and that your voice does matter.
“No” prevents burnout – Saying “no” and setting limits allows you to prevent feeling overwhelmed and becoming overcommitted. We have to pick and choose where to invest our time, energy and other resources. A wise workshop participant commented, “When I say ‘no’ I’m saying ‘yes’ to something more important.”
“No” helps you get what you want – It is an expression of your sense of self. If you know what you don’t want to do, you can identify what you do want.
Tips For Saying “No”
Everyone has limits to what they want to and can accomplish. It’s simply part of being human. Many women feel bad about having limitations of time, energy and prior commitments, just to name a few.2) “No” is an honorable response
Saying “no” means telling your truth. If you allow yourself to say “no” when you mean it, others will trust that when you say “yes” you also mean it and will follow through.3) You owe no one an explanation
If you give your week’s schedule, or the reasons why you are saying “no”, you open up the door for others to rearrange your schedule to accommodate their request, or to discount or argue with your reasoning. While I find it difficult to simply say “no” followed by an awkward silence, I really like the phrase “No, that’s just not going to work for me” because it softens the “no” without actually giving an explanation.
Click HERE to read more about why “no” is important and for tips to help you say “no”