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How To Be Assertive (Not Aggressive): Spa Trouvé Podcast

I was pleased to sit down with Courtney Anderson of Spa Trouvé to talk about some ideas and insights from my book “The Assertiveness Guide for Women.”

One myth about assertiveness is that it means being aggressive, or acting pushy or like a bully. But the truth is that assertiveness means being clear and direct in sharing your feelings and needs while also holding space for someone else’s experience. Women are often afraid to act assertively because they fear it will cause problems in their interactions with others, but the opposite is actually true: being assertive helps us be more known and closer in our relationships.

In order to be assertive, you first need to know what to assert! That means being able to recognize your own thoughts and feelings before you can share them. Other tools for assertiveness are to use what John Gottman calls “the soft start,” which refers to easing into a difficult conversation by starting softly. I also encourage women to envision your communication with someone going well! We tend to think of worst case scenarios, but you can help guide the conversation to a better place by expecting a good outcome.

Listen to the podcast for the full discussion!

About Dr. Julie Hanks, LCSW:
Dynamic self & relationship expert Dr. Julie de Azevedo Hanks, LCSW loves to make a difference for women. She owns Wasatch Family Therapy and regularly contributes to TV Shows and her advice has been featured nationally including Wall Street Journal, Parenting, Fox News, and others. Connect on Instagram, Facebook & Twitter. Her books The Burnout Cure and The Assertiveness Guide are now available. Dr. Hanks is currently accepting coaching clients.

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