How To Stop Having the Same Fight With Your Partner: Good Things Utah
Couples often become frustrated when they find themselves repeating the same fights over and over again. If this sounds like you and your partner, here are some ways to break the emotional patterns we sometimes get stuck in:
Understand the Cycle of Disconnection
The first step is to recognize that you don’t need to be upset with the other person or even feel guilt yourself. If you are going to break the bad habit, acknowledge the cycle you’re in.
Identify Your Common Position
In relationships, there’s usually someone who pursues and someone who withdraws. Do you tend to want to talk (or even argue) when there’s a problem? Or do you prefer to have space and get some breathing room?
Modify Your Position
Referring to the previous point, if you’re the pursuer, you can make an effort to back off a bit, while if you’re the one who commonly withdraws from conflict, you can meet your partner in the middle and engage more.
Identify the Primary Emotions Driving the Cycle
Often times, the most prominent emotions you’re experiencing are covering up something deeper. For example, if you’re presenting as irritable or angry, these outer feelings may be covering up fear, sadness, or loneliness.
Express Vulnerable Emotions To Your Partner
Children are often good at expressing these tender kinds of feelings, but as adults, we’re more guarded. In order to reach true intimacy with a partner and get out of this cycle of disconnection, work on expressing those vulnerable emotions when navigating relational conflict.
Dynamic self & relationship expert Dr. Julie de Azevedo Hanks, LCSW loves to make a difference for women. She owns Wasatch Family Therapy and regularly contributes to KSL TV's Studio 5, and her advice has been featured nationally including Wall Street Journal, Parenting, Fox News, and others. Connect on Facebook & Twitter. Her books The Burnout Cure and The Assertiveness Guide are now available.