Are Your Thoughts Sabotaging Your Relationship?: Good Things Utah
Have you ever tried to mind read someone or were convinced you understood their feelings without even asking them? If you do this in your primary relationship, your thoughts may be sabotaging things! Here is a quick strategy to make sure your thoughts aren’t hurting your relationship.
First, think of a thought you have often. For example, maybe you’ve often thought to yourself, “my husband doesn’t understand me.” Ask yourself the following questions:
1. Is This True?
Sometimes our experiences seem so real to us that we are convinced they are accurate. You may say, “of course this is true!”
2. Can I Absolutely Know It’s True?
You can’t know for sure that your husband doesn’t ever understand you. The more you ponder on this statement, the more you’ll probably think of times when your husband did understand you. You may be beginning to see flaws in your own original thinking.
3. How Do I Act When I Believe That Thought?
When you internalize the “fact” that your husband doesn’t understand you, you may get defensive, frustrated, and closed off. This belief causes conflict in your relationship!
4. What Would I Be Without That Thought?
Now ask yourself how you would feel differently if you were free of that thought. If you didn’t believe that your husband truly understood you, you may be happier, more at peace, and more loving toward him.
Lastly, I encourage you to choose an opposite statement of your first thought, then go through the questions again. The point of this exercise is to challenge us to examine our thoughts, see if they’re actually valid, and decide if they are helping us or if they are something we need to let go of.
Dynamic self & relationship expert Dr. Julie de Azevedo Hanks, LCSW loves to make a difference for women. She owns Wasatch Family Therapy and regularly contributes to KSL TV's Studio 5, and her advice has been featured nationally including Wall Street Journal, Parenting, Fox News, and others. Connect on Facebook & Twitter. Her books The Burnout Cure and The Assertiveness Guide are now available.