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Overcoming Insecurities: Studio 5

Think of the last time you felt insecure. Ideally, we want to have good confidence, but all of us, men and women, experience insecurity in some form or another; those nagging uncertainties that can leave us feeling vulnerable and make us doubt ourselves. Sadly, our weaknesses and flaws (perceived or real) can make us feel like we’re not “good enough” or worthy of receiving love in our relationships. Thankfully, we have the opportunity to reframe out mindset and expectations so that we can overcome insecurities and choose confidence. Here are some questions to ask yourself to help you get started:

  1. What is my core belief?

Dig a little deeper into what you’re feeling, and identify the insecurity that’s bringing you down. Some examples may be, “I’m unattractive,” or, “I’m not a good mother.” It can helpful to write down the words on paper so you can examine them outside of yourself. Too often, we don’t properly evaluate our thoughts; this can be a way to articulate them and see if they make sense.

2) What is the source?

Next, ask yourself where you got that message from. Who told you that you’re a bad mom? What makes you think that you’re not beautiful? Is it something someone once told you? Did you start doubting yourself after comparing yourself to other women? Figure out what’s at the root of it by determining the source.

3) What are the facts?

Look for other means of information. Does your doctor say you’re overweight and could stand to drop a few pounds? Are your kids showing signs that you might need to spend more time with them? It’s very easy to confuse our emotions with what is true (ie: “I feel fat, so I am fat.”), so try to see if the facts support your core belief. You may discover that reality challenges your negative perceptions about yourself, which may make it easier to let go of that insecurity.

4) What do I want?

If you find that your feelings match the facts and that there is something about your life that would be good to change, ask yourself what it is exactly that you’d like to happen. You’ve done research and considered what other information there is about the situation; now take away others’ opinions and determine what you want. Maybe you want to feel more connected with your family, or maybe you want to have a healthier body and spirit.

5) What can I do?

What is a specific step or action you can take to improve? Insecurities are not always bad if they propel us to change, but sitting around feeling unconfident doesn’t achieve anything. With your goal firmly in your mind, work toward it little by little. Maybe you enlist an exercise buddy to help you with fitness, or maybe you resolve to spend one hour of uninterrupted time with each child every week. Our feelings (including those painful insecurities) can motivate us; turn them into an actionable plan to create lasting change.

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About Dr. Julie Hanks, LCSW:
Dynamic self & relationship expert Dr. Julie de Azevedo Hanks, LCSW loves to make a difference for women. She owns Wasatch Family Therapy and regularly contributes to KSL TV's Studio 5, and her advice has been featured nationally including Wall Street Journal, Parenting, Fox News, and others. Connect on Facebook & Twitter. Her books The Burnout Cure and The Assertiveness Guide are now available.

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