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Ask Julie: My Boyfriend Doesn’t Talk To Me But I Don’t Want To Lose Him

Q: Me and my boy friend have been going out over 3 years and he always looked after me. I did meet him when I was homeless and I love him now more than anything.  He knows I do but I think he lost interest in me he always tells me to shut up and he never hardly talks with me. He never spend time with me or rings me anymore and he don’t really cuddle up with me.  He just says, “keep still and stop making a sound”. He’s always working and with his friends and because I’m always depressed. When I start crying to myself before he come in and say what’s wrong, I tell him and he goes shut up. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose him. I don’t have any one else.

A: Thank you for writing in for help. It sounds like you feel very alone so you are clinging to a man who is mean to you. Your situation seems less about your boyfriend and more about the fact that you don’t have other relationships to turn to for comfort and for help. Do you have any friends or family to turn to for assistance? Are there women’s shelters or government resources in your area of the UK that might be a resource for you?

Your boyfriend is mistreating you and his abusive behavior is saying either: 1) he doesn’t know how to be close to you or 2) he doesn’t want the relationship anymore. Please take this opportunity to focus on building your own life, getting help for your depression, meeting new people, and developing your skills instead of clinging to a relationship with someone who is rejecting you.  Check with your local mental health agency to get information about social services so you can feel better about yourself, treat your depression and help you build additional social support networks. Please get help for yourself so you can move on and let your boyfriend go.

Take good care of yourself!

Julie Hanks, LCSW

About Dr. Julie Hanks, LCSW:
Dynamic self & relationship expert Dr. Julie de Azevedo Hanks, LCSW loves to make a difference for women. She owns Wasatch Family Therapy and regularly contributes to KSL TV's Studio 5, and her advice has been featured nationally including Wall Street Journal, Parenting, Fox News, and others. Connect on Facebook & Twitter. Her books The Burnout Cure and The Assertiveness Guide are now available.