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Confessions of a Multitasking Mama part 2

My first confessions post was a response to people constantly saying, “How do you do everything? I see you on TV, hear you on the Radio, see your Facebook posts, read your articles, you spoke at our women’s event last week, I love your music, and you have 4 kids…” I shared some of the things I don’t do as a wife/mom/homemaker (like “cook” breakfast or attend every soccer game) in the first confessions post and it ended up being the most viewed post of 2010. I’ve often wondered why.

My best guess is that it’s something like dropping by a neighbor’s house and seeing over her shoulder that her house is a pigsty, and then feeling relieved that you’re not the only one who has dishes are piled in the sink, kids running around half naked, and toys strewn across the living room. We all want to know we’re not alone – that we’re not the only imperfect woman around. You know what I really dig? I love when I’m at someone’s house, and it’s a disaster, and they DON’T apologize for it. They own it. They just carry on. It’s so refreshing. So, here it goes. Peer into my “messy house” with no apologies.

I kill plants. I try to take care of living things, namely house plants, but they are always on the brink of death. I just feel pretty darn good that the humans in my home aren’t on the brink of starvation or dehydration and seem to be growing just fine.

I never make my bed. I try to be consistent with the household chores and daily routine, but I am OK with “more often than not” for the kids and for myself.

At times, I’d rather be with my Mac than with people.  Don’t get me wrong. I love people. I love my family. I love my job as a therapist and speaker and performing songwriter. I am by nature an extrovert, energized by people, fascinated by who they are and why they do what they do. But, I am also in love with technology and I think the internet is the coolest playground ever invented. Apps, widgets, plugins, WordPress, Hootsuite…I’m a cheerleader turned techno geek.

I lie to my children. “All I want is for you to be happy,” I say. But the truth is, while I do want them to be happy, I also want them to do what I think is best for them. I want them to make me look like a good parent (after all, I’m a therapist). I want them to make me feel OK about the choices I’ve made.

I want to run away, sometimes. OK, even though I know that my life is really pretty good, I sometimes fantasize about living a lazy life on a villa at the beach, alone. But, luckily that impulse doesn’t last very long…

I watch WAY too much TV. Seriously. I am currently DVR-ing House, Biggest Loser Couples, ANTM, Storage Wars, Studio 5, The Office, The Voice, American Idol, and I’m so excited about the new season of So You Think You Can Dance that it’s kind of embarrassing.

I don’t do things I don’t want to do. OK, there are a few exceptions like cleaning up after an overflowing toilet which happened yesterday afternoon. But in general, whether it’s a speaking invitation, cleaning out a closet, writing a song, watching a friend’s kids, volunteering at school, playing a benefit concert, or taking my kids swimming I usually go with my gut in deciding what to commit to. I think that what I want and how I feel about what I’m doing in life is crucial information.

Ok, now it’s your turn to confess. What are the things you don’t do? Comment below (your email will no be made public).

 

About Dr. Julie Hanks, LCSW:
Dynamic self & relationship expert Dr. Julie de Azevedo Hanks, LCSW loves to make a difference for women. She owns Wasatch Family Therapy and regularly contributes to KSL TV's Studio 5, and her advice has been featured nationally including Wall Street Journal, Parenting, Fox News, and others. Connect on Facebook & Twitter. Her books The Burnout Cure and The Assertiveness Guide are now available.

Comments

Lisa

As a working mama of 3 kids ages 4 and under, there are lots of things that I don’t do:) I never iron, my house is *usually* messy, and when I do clean it up my oldest says “Who is coming over, mom?” The thing I tell myself, and tell anyone that I complain about my messy house to? Since I work from home, I prefer to spend my free time playing with my kids. They aren’t tall enough yet to see the dishes piled up in my sink anyway 😉

Lisa

I don’t offer to help clean others homes. I don’t clean my own house. I don’t make/decorate for every holiday, or most for that matter. I do fold the clothes, but I don’t put them away. I only wash dishes if they go in the dishwasher. I don’t weed the garden regularly, only when the weeds are threatening to kill the food plants.
I don’t read my scriptures daily.
I yell, loudly (ask the neighbors) at my kids and dogs.
I don’t make healthy dinners, I forget that veggies should be included.
But we all play well together and laugh bunches.

Mary

I don’t do the laundry until it is trickling out of the laundry room, begging to be washed. I don’t change my sheets every Saturday. I only vacuum my bedroom semi-annually.

But I am good at faking it, I tidy up several times a week and I deep clean a couple of times a month.

I don’t fix dinner unless I have to and I don’t really care that my 2 year old ate a donut for dinner last week.

Life is too short to worry about every single, tiny, little detail.. I do the big things and let the little things take care of themselves.

Kristin

I don’t make dinner for other people. I BRING them dinner, but I don’t make it. The Costco Deli is my friend! Same goes for soccer treats and family events. I am your girl for ice, soda, veggie trays, cookies, cakes, etc… all courtesy of Costco or the neighborhood grocery store.

I don’t feel guilty about paying someone to clean my house, do the gardening, or even run errands. I can’t be everywhere, so why try to be?

Ann

I don’t cook breakfast every morning; probably not even twice a week. I don’t spend the time I should with my kids, although they are 17 & 11. There’s probably a list of things I don’t do, but the one important thing I do EVERYDAY is tell my loved ones I love them! That is something I will always do…I am not the “perfect mother” nor do I try to be. As long as my children love me and think I am doing a great job is all that matters! 🙂

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